Before I Die
by Tony's-Loki
Summary: After Tony discovers something he shouldn't have he is forced to disappear and leave Loki without telling him why. But when a fateful accident causes them to meet up again, Loki finds out just why Tony left the way he did. Avengers AU.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Well... another story... heh... Okay! So this particular story was inspired by Papa Roach's song "Before I Die" and I could not work on my other fics at all because this one was just nagging me! So here it is and I hope y'all like it!  
Enjoy! (:**

* * *

Tony finished packing his bags and zipped up his last suitcase with a heavy heart. He wipes a tear off of his face and he hauls the suitcase out of the room and into the hall.

He lets out a sigh and leans against the wall, reminding himself why he is doing this, and he pushes away from the wall, walking back into the room. His shared room.

He lifts his gaze from the ground and he stops in his tracks, swallowing the lump forming in his throat, as he spots the love of his life curled up on his side of the bed.

Tony watches Loki sleep, cherishing these last moments with him, even though Loki is asleep. He moves forward slowly and sits down on the edge of the bed next to Loki. He sniffles quietly and wipes his face again before running his fingers through the thick, silky, raven locks on Loki's head slowly.

Loki stirs under the gentle touch and his emerald eyes flutter open, hazy with sleep, landing on Tony. He smiles up at Tony as he rolls onto his back, "Hey."

"Hey," Tony says thickly as the hand that was in Loki's hair moves to his cheek, cupping it and running his thumb under one of Loki's eyes.

Loki frowns and he takes hold of Tony's hand. "Tony, what's wrong?"

Tony forces a smile as he entwines his fingers with Loki's, "Nothing."

"You're lying," Loki says quietly as he kisses Tony's knuckles.

Tony chuckles to cover up a sob and he bites his tongue to keep himself from crying.

Loki pushes himself up and he wraps his arms around Tony in an attempt to comfort him. "Whatever it is that is bothering you, love, we will get through it together," he whispers into Tony's ear.

Tony wraps his arms around Loki too, resting his head on the bare shoulder in front of him, and he squeezes Loki tightly, not wanting to let go but knowing he has to.

Loki pulls away then and he kisses Tony. When he pulls away completely his eyebrows furrow slightly in confusion. "Why are you dressed?"

"Conference call," Tony tells him quietly, hoping Loki will believe the lie.

Loki looks at the alarm clock on the bedside table and he quirks a brow at Tony, "At three in the morning?"

"It's with Tokyo," Tony says.

Loki nods and stifles a yawn behind his hand, "I see. Well I hope it goes well," he tells Tony quietly as he lays back down.

"Thank you," Tony says, feeling hollow inside.

Loki stares at Tony for a while before speaking up. "Anthony... What is it? What's wrong?" he asks again.

"We'll talk about it when I get home, okay?"

Loki hesitates, but he knows Tony won't tell him anything unless he wants to, so he concedes to Tony's request. "Okay."

Tony leans forward and he kisses Loki slowly and tenderly. "I love you," he whispers when he pulls away.

"I love you too," Loki says back.

"Go back to sleep," Tony says softly as he cups Loki's face in his hand for the last time.

Loki leans into Tony's touch, smiling as his eyes start to fall closed.

"Lo?"

"Yes my love?" Loki asks quietly, his eyes opening slowly only to fall back on Tony.

"Be happy today... Okay?" Tony more asks than tells him, his voice strained with the tears he won't let fall.

Loki doesn't notice anything, being to sleepy to really pay attention, and he smiles as he snuggles deeper into the covers. "I'll be happy when I'm with you again."

Tony's heart breaks because he knows that Loki means what he says, and that what Tony is about to do will hurt Loki in ways he wouldn't wish on the one person he's ever truly loved. "Go to sleep babe," he says again.

Loki smiles with all the love in the world and his eyes close, and he's asleep within seconds.

Tony lets out a shaky breath and he stands up slowly. He leans over Loki again, tucking a piece of black hair behind Loki's ear, before kissing him on the forehead, clamping his eyes shut.

He pulls away reluctantly and heads toward the door of their room, his heart shattering into tiny pieces with every step.

Once he's under the door frame he looks over his shoulder at Loki's sleeping, happy form, and he doesn't try to stop the tears from falling down his face.

_This is for the best._ "I'm sorry, Loki... I love you... Goodbye," he whispers, and he turns his back on Loki, picking up his few packed belongings, and walks to the front door of the house, leaving Loki behind.

* * *

Loki wakes up and sighs. He hates waking up to an empty space in the bed where Tony belongs. He rubs his eyes and he pushes himself up on the bed slowly.

He swings his legs over the edge of the bed and he stands. He does his daily stretches before heading to the bathroom to shower.

Half an hour later he turns the shower off and wraps a towel around his waist. He brushes his teeth and combs his hair back before drying his body and changing. Once dressed he styles his hair and puts cologne and deodorant on.

He walks out of the bathroom and into the bedroom and starts fixing the bed. As soon as he's done with that he sits on the foot of the bed and puts his shoes on.

He makes his way out of the room and heads toward the kitchen. He turns on the coffee machine and starts making himself breakfast.

He wonders what Tony wants for dinner and he picks up his phone, typing out a quick message and sending it, before turning his phone off.

When his breakfast is made he turns on the T.V and watches the news.

He finishes his food and drinks his coffee before turning the T.V off and he washes the dishes.

He grabs his keys off of the counter and he gets his coat off of the coat hanger by the door, and he walks out of the house, locking it up.

He drives to work and teaches his students about Ethos, Logos, Pathos and fallacies. He ignores Fandral's advances and he gossips with Sigyn about anything and everything during lunch.

He heads home and turns his cell phone back on, checking it for messages. When he doesn't find one from Tony he decides to just surprise him with his favorite dish for dinner.

Dinner is ready around seven-thirty and he decides to go change into something more comfortable, and then he waits for Tony to come home.

An hour later Loki wonders where Tony is but he doesn't worry, figuring that it's probably just a really long day for him at the office.

Half an hour later Loki starts to get irritated and he wonders where Tony is.

An hour passes and Loki starts to worry, wondering why Tony hasn't called or texted him.

Ten minutes later he calls Pepper and asks her when Tony left Stark Industries.

Pepper tells Loki that Tony didn't come in to work today and Loki starts to panic.

He hangs up on Pepper and dials Tony's number.

When the dial tone is interrupted by a machine telling him that the number he has called has been disconnected he becomes frantic and tears fall down his cheeks.

He thinks back to this morning before Tony left and he dashes to their room.

When he finds nothing amiss in there he runs to their closet and looks around.

It's then that he realizes Tony's suitcase is gone, along with a couple of shirts, pants and shoes. He heads toward Tony's underwear and sock drawer and pulls it open, realizing that there are items missing.

He crumples to the floor then and he sobs Tony's name for hours, not knowing what to do or who to call.

He cries himself to sleep holding one of Tony's favorite shirts to his chest.

The next day he files a missing person report, or he tries to, but the police laugh at him and tell him that if Tony Stark went missing, then everyone would notice.

He stays closed up in his and Tony's house, ignoring every call and text, every knock on the door, and he cries, holding Tony's things close to his chest, hoping that Tony will walk back through the living room door with a goofy smile on his face and one million excuses on his lips for why he's been gone for so long.

He waits.

One day turns into one week.

One week turns into one month.

One month turns into two, and by then the police are eating their words as they search for Tony, though there is little to no hope that they will find the billionaire now.

Two months turn into six.

And six months turn into one year.

It's then that Loki realizes that Tony is not coming back for him.

He packs up his stuff and he puts the house that he and Tony shared for two and a half years for sale.

It's with a broken heart and so many questions that he gets into his car and pulls out of the driveway, leaving the place he called home, full of memories and laughter and love, for the last time, not once looking back, refusing to let the tears stinging his eyes fall.


	2. Chapter 2

**REPOSTED because of technical difficulties!**

**A/N: Yay! New chapter! Okay, so I probably should have mentioned that this story is an Avengers AU, which it now says in the description. I should also mention that Thor and Loki are ****_not _****related in this story! I should also mention that this is my first time writing an action scene, so if it sucks, I'm sorry!  
So, with that said, thank you for all of the faves/follows/reviews! I'm glad you all like the beginning of the story!  
Story not beta'd, and neither are any of my stories... so feel free to point out mistakes!  
Now, onto the next chapter and I hope you like it!  
Enjoy!**

* * *

_2 years later_

Traffic.

Oh how Loki hates the traffic on the Brooklyn Bridge. He hates the trek he makes across this bridge on a daily basis, just to get to work.

He hates the cab drivers that cut him off in a vain attempt to get where they are going faster. He hates the pedestrians that walk across the bridge, thinking they'll get across faster, only really giving themselves blisters in reality. He hates the bicyclists that ride between the cars, almost always knocking out a rearview mirror in the process.

He just really hates this bridge.

It seems as though the bridge is always packed, no matter what time of day or night it is. There is never a moment when there are no cars, people or bicyclists on the thing.

In Loki's opinion, the only good thing the bridge offers is a beautiful view of Manhattan's lights at night.

The sight alone is the only thing keeping Loki from driving his car into the cold water of the East River.

He sighs as he looks at the time on his car radio and realizes that he hasn't moved from this spot in almost fifteen minutes. "Gods... I just want to get to my apartment and lie down. Is that too much to ask for?" he says out loud as he leans his head back on the headrest.

After a few seconds Loki lifts his head and opens his eyes, looking at the shining lights of Manhattan's night life.

He looks at a specific building and watches it intently, waiting for the lights of the Avengers Tower to come on. He isn't sure why watching the lights of that specific tower come on makes him happy, it just does.

He smiles softly as the 'A' on the tower flickers to life before all the other letters, and he relaxes into his seat.

Loki wonders what it would be like to live with the Avengers. He wonders what it would be like to just spend one day with them. But of course, that is never going to happen.

Someone once asked Loki who his favorite Avenger is. He sighs as he remembers that he said the Iron Man is his favorite. When asked why, he only said that the Iron Man reminded him of someone.

_No... No don't do this to yourself..._ Loki closes his eyes, gripping the steering wheel tight, trying to fight the onslaught of memories flooding him. Memories of dark brown hair, big brown eyes, tan skin, calloused hands and full lips. Memories of laughter, of love... of true happiness.

Loki slams his head against the headrest as his eyes sting with unshed tears. _Even after three years. Three years since he left me... and he still affects me._ "It's not fair," he whispers.

He spends a few minutes collecting himself before he opens his eyes again, moving his car forward two inches.

He half growls half yells in frustration, hitting the top of the steering wheel with both hands. "I've been sitting here for two hours and I am not even half way across this damned bridge! Something has got to give!"

At that moment the car in front of him explodes and flies into the air, flipping over a couple of cars before it bounces over the railing of the bridge.

Loki screams and covers his face with his arms as all the windows of his car explode around him, letting the harsh January air in. His ears ring from the noise of the explosion as he pulls his arms away and he breathes heavily, trying to slow his frantic heart rate down.

He watches as more explosions go off, causing more cars and several people to fly into the air before either landing back on the bridge or falling over the rail. He watches helplessly as families, couples, as everyone on the bridge runs, trying to get out of the firestorm to no avail.

The ringing in his ears starts to fade and sounds begin to register again. He hears screaming, crying, more explosions though those are farther down the bridge, metal meeting metal, flesh meeting concrete. He hears his own, harsh breaths and he knows that he should get out of his car, run, do something, but he can't.

His hands feel as though they are superglued to the steering wheel and his body feels heavy, as if there are weights on his shoulders that are too heavy for him to move. He's rooted to the spot because of his fear and he knows it.

His eyes roam all around the area frantically, for what he doesn't know. He spots something to focus on through the running crowd when, across the bridge, something circular flies into a person holding what looks like a gun that belongs on a tank.

Loki watches as the person scrambles for the gun before a figure clad in blue kicks the gun away, catching the circular object before punching and kicking the person that had the gun.

His eyes go wide. _Captain America..._

He continues watching as the Captain gets surrounded by what appears to be a group of civilians, but the idea that maybe these people are trying to help the Captain disappears as they begin to fight the super soldier.

His breathing picks up as he watches the Captain go down, but before anything further happens, two more figures join him, one in a billowing red cape and the other with a bow and a quiver of arrows. _Thor and Hawkeye..._

It doesn't take long for the group of three to disarm and beat down the terrorists. The three men speak briefly, the Captain pointing in different directions, before breaking up again, each no doubt going to some other part of the bridge.

Though his fear may have died down some, Loki is still rooted to the seat of his car, shock getting the better of him. He tries to focus on his breathing, trying not to panic as the explosions and the screaming continue.

Loki gathers his courage and is just about to get out of his car and run when he catches a movement out of the corner of his eye and he turns his head.

He barely spots the projectile that flies out of what he can now see is clearly a bazooka, and he watches as it hits one of the towers of the bridge, exploding, causing the cables holding this part of the bridge up to snap.

His car shifts violently to the left and starts to slide, along with all the other abandoned cars, toward the edge of the bridge. He fumbles with his seat belt, but he is shaking to hard and his limbs won't work with him.

He cries out in despair, tears escaping his eyes, as a loud crack sounds out and his car turned grave starts to slide faster.

He can hear the water below the bridge splashing and he knows that the other cars have already started to fall into the East River.

Out of nowhere he spots a gold and red figure in the sky, shooting what looks like blue energy blasts at the person with the gun, making the gun-wielder fly into the air and onto the hood of his car. _Iron Man..._

Iron Man watches the man as he lands on Loki's car, but before Loki can see what Iron Man has decided to do next his car starts to tip, causing the unconscious terrorist to roll over and off of his car, and he screams, his eyes clamping shut, as he realizes that his car is on the verge of falling with him in it.

Another crack sounds out, but Loki faintly registers that it sounds nothing like the noise the bridge made before. He opens his eyes and grips the steering wheel tighter as the car tips back violently, tears cascading down his face.

The last thing he expected to see was the Iron Man hurtling toward him.

Instinctively, Loki reaches up desperately to the Iron Man, his eyes wide and afraid, but his seat belt keeps him from moving closer to the metal hand extended toward him.

He looks at the seat belt, bringing his hand down to try to unfasten it, but the car jerks back with the sudden movement and Loki grips the steering wheel with both hands again. "I can't unbuckle- Please! Please help me!" he cries out frantically, looking back at the Iron Man.

"Just relax, I'll get you out of here, I promise," comes a mechanical voice that sounds oddly familiar, flowing with suppressed fear, and Loki's heart stops. _No... It can't be... _

Before Loki can think further, a red laser shoots out of the metal forearm, cutting through the material of the seat belt easily.

"Give me your hand," comes the voice again.

As Loki reaches up the car shifts and he feels weightless as his car completely dislodges itself from the bridge, falling backwards, and he screams, his heart pounding against his chest too harshly.

He barely registers that familiar mechanic voice screaming his name as something grips his clothed, extended arm tightly, pulling him out of the falling vehicle.

"Loki stay with me!" comes the frantic robotic voice, and then there is loud, cold wind rushing into his ears.

"Tony," Loki pants before darkness engulfs him and he passes out.

* * *

Tony lands as carefully as he can in the middle of the small group of the Avengers, but he pays them and their questions no mind as he kneels down, cradling the unconscious man in his arms on his lap.

The faceplate of his suit slides up as he looks down, breathing harshly, as he realizes that yes, the man in his arms is in fact Loki Laufeyson. "Lo..." he whimpers brokenly.

"Stark, who is that?"

"Stark, can you hear us?"

"Friend Tony, what is wrong?"

"Tony, are you okay?"

"Answer us, Stark."

Tony looks up with wide eyes at his dirty, sweaty teammates, unable to say a thing.

He swallows hard several times as he looks down at Loki again. He manually takes one of his gauntlets off, letting it fall to the floor with a clang, and he runs the fingers of his exposed hand through the black locks and down the pale, cold cheek.

Tears sting his eyes and he pulls Loki's unconscious body into the metal breastplate carefully, crying silent tears into Loki's hair.

The team stands there shocked at the sight, each looking at one another as the identity of the man slowly comes to each of them.

Natasha walks forward slowly and kneels next to the pair, putting a hand on Tony's metal-clad shoulder, gently shaking him. "Stark, who is he?" she asks quietly, though she knows the answer already.

"It's Loki," Tony chokes out, his heart hammering in his chest, "It's my Loki..."

Natasha looks back at her other teammates, giving them all a look that says to wait just a bit longer, and she turns back to Tony. "Are you sure it's him and not someone who just looks like him?"

Tony shakes his head, "It's him. He called my name... He recognized me in the suit... It's him..."

Natasha nods and stands, turning to face the team fully. "Captain?"

Steve, never taking his eyes from Tony and Loki, squares his shoulders. "Tony, take him to the tower. He'll be safe there."

"But the mission-"

"Subdued," Clint interrupts. "We got this, it's just a matter of evacuation now anyway. Go."

"Fury-"

"Can yell at us. We'll make sure he doesn't contact the tower at all," Bruce says firmly.

"Go, friend Tony. Take care of your mate," Thor rumbles.

Tony realizes that his teammates, his friends, really did listen to him when he spoke about the love of his life. His kind, gentle, loving, tender-hearted love of his life. The one he had to leave behind to protect him. His Loki.

He nods and stands, carrying Loki in his arms. Bruce comes up to him, the discarded gauntlet in one hand, and he attaches it to Tony's suit. Tony looks at all of them with gratitude, and he nods at them. "Thanks."

"Take him home, Tony," Steve says simply, kindly.

The faceplate of the suit goes down, and Tony shoots into the sky, Loki tucked securely in his arms, and he flies to the tower, hoping Loki will let him explain why he left the way he did when he wakes up.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow it's been a very long time since I last updated! Eugh! Too much time! BUT I hope this chapter makes up for the wait! I really hope you guys like it!  
Thank you for the faves/follows/reviews! They mean the world to me! (:  
Enjoy!**

* * *

Tony lands on the balcony of the landing pad at Avengers Tower and walks toward the glass door on the right.

Once he's inside, Tony walks quickly and carefully towards the longest couch in the living area and lays Loki's unconscious body down on it gently, covering him with the throw blanket on the couch, making sure that his head is elevated.

Tony looks down at Loki and he trails one metal-clad finger down the sharp, pale cheek softened with sleep, down his once boyfriend's face.

He closes his eyes as he sighs. "Please Loki, give me a second chance when you wake up," Tony whispers. "I swear I have a good reason for leaving you the way I did," he finishes, his fingers in Loki's long, back length hair.

Tony stands and he walks back out to the balcony so that he can get out of the suit, and he hopes, not for the first time that night, that Loki will listen to what he has to say.

* * *

Slowly Loki's eyes flutter open and he breathes out a sigh of relief. _I'm alive_. He brings one hand up to his face and he applies slight pressure to the top of one of his eyelids. The pressure feels good and Loki wishes he can just lay wherever it is he is forever.

Loki knows he's not at his apartment because he remembers going to work. He briefly wonders why he is not at work before the memories of the trip back to his place of residence trickle to the forefront of his mind, and his body tenses as the memories become more clear.

He sits up on the piece of furniture he's laying on and, for the first time since waking up, looks at his surroundings. _Where am I?_ He studies the no doubt expensive furniture in the room, the bar, the elevator doors, and the hallway leading to what are most likely the bathing and sleeping quarters. He looks down, studying the cloth draped across his lap, when the one voice he thought he'd heard earlier but dismissed as imagination rings in his ears.

"Loki..."

_No... It can't be..._ Slowly Loki turns his head, holding his breath, until his eyes land on the person who spoke. Tears pool in his eyes immediately, and he exhales the person's name on a broken sob. "Anthony?"

Loki watches in disbelief as Tony walks toward him in a black, skin-tight jumpsuit, and he wills his body to stop trembling. When Tony comes to stand at the foot of the couch Loki brings his knees to his chest and covers his open mouth with one of his shaking hands.

Tony stays standing as the emerald eyes alive with shock, disbelief and pain stare at him. He swallows, blinking back tears of his own. "Loki-"

"You're not real... You're not real..." Loki pants, his voice a ragged whisper. "You can't be here... This is just a sick dream..."

It breaks Tony's heart to hear those words come out of Loki's mouth because it shows just how much he hurt Loki. It shows just how hard Loki tried to move on but couldn't. He swallows again, "Loki, I am real. I'm here."

"How?" Loki asks, his eyes wide as they bore into Tony's face, searching. "You left me. How can you be here if you left me? ...Why did you leave me?" Loki whimpers.

Tony walks around the armrest of the couch and he moves toward Loki. It physically pains Tony to watch as Loki scoots back, huddling into the farthest corner of the couch, shaking his head frantically, causing the tears in his eyes to fall down his face.

Tony looks down as he sits, and he takes a deep breath before he speaks again. "Loki..." His words die on his lips and he looks at Loki again.

Loki tenses at Tony's gaze and he's surprised to see sadness in the brown eyes that haunted him in his sleep for the last three years.

They sit there staring at each other for what seems like an eternity before Tony scoots closer.

With every inch that is breached Loki's heart pounds faster and his breathing becomes shallow. His body starts to tremble again as Tony eliminates all the space between them and stretches out his hand.

Tony cups Loki's cheek, gently wiping the stream of tears away, and he watches as Loki's eyes fall closed. "I'm sorry, Loki," Tony says, a slight tremble in his voice.

Loki opens his eyes then and he swallows. "I waited for you," he whispers, his voice shaking lightly. "Why didn't you come back?" he asks breathlessly, quietly.

"I couldn't..."

"Why?" Loki asks, desperate for an answer, an explanation, anything to help him understand why he had to suffer through the immense pain he felt when Tony left.

Tony brings his hand back down to his lap and he sighs. "It's a long story."

Loki instantly misses the warmth of Tony's hand on his face, but as Tony's words wash over him his face darkens. "I have waited long enough for an explanation, Anthony."

Tony looks up at the hard tone in Loki's normally soft and calm voice. He's only heard Loki angry a handful of times before, so it always surprised him when the anger was there. _But he has a right to be angry_. He nods, "You did. Jarvis, pull up the files on FS."

Loki's brow furrows as Tony talks to thin air, but a voice with a british accent keeps him from asking Tony who it is he's talking to.

"Shall I bring up all files, sir?"

"Yes."

Loki's wondering about the source of the voice vanishes as multiple holographic screens appear in front of him, and he jumps back, slightly startled. He looks at Tony through the screen in front of him before focusing his attention on it. "Who is this?" he asks as he studies what appears to be a profile on someone.

"That is the leader of Fom Sidr," Tony says as he pulls the hologram toward his own body. "He goes by the name of Thanos." He shifts on the couch so that he's close enough for Loki to see the screen, but far enough away that he's not touching Loki, though he really, really wants to.

Loki looks at the photo of the man who Tony is talking about with a critical eye. The man has brown hair and sharp blue eyes. His nose is straight and pointed at the end. His lips are pressed into a thin line and his jaw line is strong and shows off his butt chin very well. He looks menacing and rude, someone that commands respect and fear, but the man's looks are little to nothing to Loki at the moment. "What does this man have to do with you leaving?" he asks harshly, settling Tony with a glare.

Tony sighs as he flicks the screen with Thanos' face away, bringing forth a new one. "Everything," he answers before he continues.

"Fom Sidr is a cult group. In old Nordic times Fom Sidr meant 'Ancient Custom'. Usually the customs consisted of having beer or mead with the meat of a sacrificed animal."

Tony pauses as he glances at Loki's irritated and confused face before he continues. "Now, they didn't just sacrifice animals for the delicious alcohol. The purposes of the sacrifices were to ensure fertility, growth. They were for crises and births, and for weddings and burials."

"Back in those days there was a clear distinction between private and public cult, so the rituals were either tied to the household and individual or to the structures of society," Tony finishes, pushing aside the last of the holographic paintings depicting what he was talking about.

Loki looks at Tony with the same critical eye he gave the picture of Thanos then. "I still don't understand what that has to do with you leaving."

Tony sighs in irritation and he runs a hand through his hair. "Thanos started a cult with this name, Loki," he states as if that bit of information should explain everything.

"So?" Loki asks angrily.

"So they go around 'sacrificing' people that are important to those that have money, power, connections!" Tony yells. He stands abruptly from his spot on the couch and paces back and forth in front of it and Loki. "Remember Princess Diana? Fom Sidr, not some paparazzi! Ana Nicole Smith's son? Fom Sidr! Michael Jackson? Fom Sidr," he recites as file after file flash through the screens in front of Loki.

Loki's eyes widen degree by degree as Tony continues rattling off the names of people that were well known around the world and loved by many, but Tony doesn't notice.

"... Brittany Murphy... The list goes on, Loki." Tony finally looks at Loki's shocked face and he mentally slaps himself for letting his anger get the better of him. He slowly walks back to the couch and sits on it, burying his face in his hands, the room falling silent.

The silence is eerie and makes Loki uneasy. When he realizes that Tony's shoulders are shaking he starts to worry. He uncurls his legs from his body slowly and puts them on the ground. He scoots closer to Tony on the couch and, hesitantly, outstretches one hand. "Tony?" he says quietly as he lays his hand on one of Tony's shoulders lightly.

Tony sighs and rubs his face with his hands, but the wet clumps of his eyelashes give away that he was crying. He looks at Loki with shining eyes as new tears well up in the corners of them again. "Lo... Lo I left because I... Because they... Because y... Because you were their next target," he tells Loki, his voice breaking as he finally gets the words out.

Loki's heart stops and he can feel the color drain from his face as Tony's words register in his mind. He stares into Tony's worry-filled eyes, and he opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying to form words but being unable to.

Tony scoots closer to Loki, effectively removing all the space between them, and he cups Loki's cheek in one hand again, "Loki-"

"Wh-what?" Loki interrupts, tears brimming over his eyes and spilling down his cheeks. "What do you mean I was their next target?" he asks, the panic from earlier making a reappearance, causing Loki's silky voice to waver and crack. "How did you know?"

Tony wipes away the tears from the cheek his hand is on, just like he used to, and he swallows down his own emotions. He needs to tell Loki everything that happened, and he can't do that if he's snivelling like a child.

Tony brings the hand at Loki's cheek back to his lap and he takes another deep breath before looking right into bright, emerald eyes. "I knew you were their next target because I got a tip off from someone on the inside one day at the office."

"And you didn't report this person to the police?" Loki asks hysterically.

Tony shakes his head vigorously, "No, Loki, an envelope with no return address was delivered to my office! Inside was a note with the details of your sacrifice!" he says hurriedly.

"I panicked. I found out where their base was and I went there to try and negotiate with Thanos. I offered his cult cars, money, jewels... everything... but they wanted none of it. I pleaded with Thanos to spare you, even offered my life in place of yours..."

A shocked gasp escapes Loki's lips and he involuntarily brings a hand up to cover his mouth, but he doesn't interrupt Tony.

"Thanos finally had enough of me and he called for my death and yours so... I made one last offer... and he accepted," Tony says quietly.

Loki swallows and he brings his hand down slowly. "And what was the offer?" he asks just as quietly though he already knows the answer.

"To pack my things and leave you. To disappear from the face of the Earth."

Loki lets out a trembling breath and he looks down at his lap. "You could have told me. We could have fled together."

Tony shakes his head again, "I couldn't tell you because they were monitoring us. If I had said one thing to you, they would have killed you."

More tears escape Loki's eyes as he looks at Tony once more. "So you left to protect me. What happened? After I was in the clear... Why didn't you come back for me?" he asks, trying desperately to control his emotions.

"I had a plan, Loki," Tony reassures. "I was going to get Rhodey to help me get these guys put away, but I didn't even make it down the street," Tony says bitterly. "The second I made it past our mailbox a black nondescript van pulled up next to me and before I could so much as scream a cloth was pressed against my face and everything went black."

"The next thing I know I'm waking up in a small town in Afghanistan with a hole in my chest-"

"What?!" Loki shrieks. He moves even closer to Tony and looks down at his chest, noticing the soft circle of blue light emanating from the black jumpsuit Tony has on for the first time, and his throat constricts. "Oh gods... Anthony..." he says, his voice tight with emotion. He looks back up at Tony and isn't surprised to see a hardness in his eyes, but also love.

"To make a long story short, I created the thing in my chest, my arc reactor, and the Iron Man suit, with the help of a man named Yinsen, to help me get home so that I could hunt these people down and be with you. Every person the Iron Man caught was part of Fom Sidr. The only person I couldn't find was Thanos."

"I searched and I searched for a year, but I couldn't find him. I decided that I would go home, but when I got there... you were gone, and there was a new family inside," Tony finishes quietly.

Loki's heart breaks as the sadness and the hurt in Tony's voice engulfs him and he looks away. "I left because I thought I was never going to see you again, and I couldn't stay in that house anymore. Not with all of those memories," he says, his voice heavy.

Tony nods his head. "I understand. I would have left too if it was me there all alone."

A few minutes of silence passes between the pair as the years spent apart float through their memory, each trying to figure out if there was ever a time when they could have been together sooner.

"I looked for you, Lo," Tony says, breaking the silence.

Loki looks up from his lap and he stares at Tony, eyes shining.

"I looked, but it was like you never existed. I started to think that I had imagined my time with you." Tony smiles sadly at him then, "I never stopped looking though. I couldn't."

The new tears in Loki's eyes fall down his cheeks and he buries his face in his hands. He doesn't protest when familiar arms wrap around him. Instead he buries his face into Tony's neck and wraps his own arms around the only man he's ever, truly loved, not caring that Tony can feel him trembling.

"Sh, babe. It's okay now. Everything's okay now," Tony says quietly as he rubs Loki's back gently.

The soft spoken words make Loki cry more and he pulls out of the embrace far enough to look at Tony. He cups Tony's cheek with one hand and he runs that hand up and into Tony's thick, brown hair. "Kiss me, Tony," Loki says, his voice thick with his tears.

Tony reaches up and he pushes a few locks of Loki's long hair behind his ear, looking back into eyes he thought he'd never see again.

"Kiss me," Loki repeats in a whisper, moving to sit on Tony's lap.

They move toward each other simultaneously, and their eyes fall closed as their lips brush together gently.

Loki straddles Tony and he moans quietly as a gentle tongue pushes past his lips. He's missed this so much. He's missed Tony so much, and he hopes that this isn't a dream.

Tony's arms encircle Loki's body again as he deepens the kiss. When he hears Loki moan his already pounding heart pounds harder in his chest and he tightens his hold.

When they break for air they rest their foreheads against one another's. Their lips meet in little touches, their noses bumping softly with the movement of their faces.

"I've missed you, Loki. So much," Tony breathes on Loki's lips.

"I've missed you too, Tony," Loki replies. They kiss again, and when they pull away Loki looks straight into Tony's eyes. "Make love to me," he whispers.

Without hesitation Tony picks Loki up and stands from the couch.

Loki wraps his arms around Tony's neck and his legs wind themselves around Tony's waist, pressing their arousals together.

Tony walks down the hall and into his bedroom, heading toward the large bed in the center of the room, and he slowly lays Loki down on the middle of it.

Loki's hair splays out underneath him and all over the white pillows and his heart hammers in his chest as Tony hovers over him, just staring.

Tony leans forward, his hands on either side of Loki's face, and he takes Loki's lips with his own in a passionate, heated, yet slow kiss.

Loki's hands travel up Tony's spine and nimble fingers draw the zipper of Tony's suit down, pulling it gently off as he goes.

Tony pulls away and he helps Loki get his arms out of the skin-tight clothes. He's about to kiss Loki again when a sharp intake of breath catches his attention and he notices the soft blue glow of his reactor casting shadows on Loki's face, making him look eerily beautiful.

Loki stares at the circle of light in Tony's chest with a combination of shock and awe. Slowly he lifts a hand to it and lightly brushes his fingers over the blue surface. He can feel the warmth and hum of the object underneath his fingertips, and an emotion he can't put a name to swells in his chest.

Tony watches as Loki leans up and presses his lips against the reactor and his fear of Loki rejecting him because of the circle in his chest dissipates.

Loki lays back and he looks up at Tony, a small, shy smile gracing his features.

Tony kisses Loki again and he begins to take Loki's black pea coat off of him, along with his shirt and tie. He breaks away from Loki's lips and travels down Loki's jaw and neck slowly, placing open-mouthed kisses on the pale chest and abdomen in front of him.

Loki's body trembles lightly and his breathing hitches slightly as Tony travels further down. His hands ball into fists in the sheets underneath him when Tony's tongue dips into his navel and he whimpers quietly when Tony gently nips at his hipbone.

Tony unbuckles Loki's pants and he drags the cloth down, taking off Loki's shoes and socks at the same time, leaving Loki in only his boxer briefs.

Loki sits up and he pulls Tony's jumpsuit down to his knees, exposing his hard cock, before laying back down, pulling Tony with him.

Tony stretches out over Loki and reaches toward the bedside drawer, opening it. He pulls out a tube of lube and opens the cap, pouring some of the contents on three of his fingers. He pulls Loki's boxer shorts off and Loki is completely naked in front of him.

Tony lays his body over Loki's, nudging Loki's knees wider apart gently, and he brings his hand down to Loki's entrance. He leans forward and places his lips over Loki's before he pushes one finger in slowly.

Loki moans in Tony's mouth as the finger inside him moves deeper and deeper until the knuckle is touching him. He urges Tony to move the finger by moving down on his hand as much as he can, and Tony obliges him.

Slowly Tony stretches Loki with his lone finger, and as he does so he peppers Loki's skin with hickies, marking him as he did before.

When Tony slips a second finger inside him, Loki breathes in sharply through his open mouth and he closes his eyes tightly, letting the sensations he's feeling wash over him.

Tony's hard cock is begging for attention, but he refuses to indulge in anything with Loki until he is properly stretched, and the noises falling out of Loki's mouth are making it harder. He can't believe that he's here, in bed, with Loki again. He only hopes that this isn't a dream.

Sooner than the first time, Tony slips in his third finger and he relishes the loud moan of pleasure that left Loki, and he moves back up and kisses Loki, pulling his lower lip every time they part.

When Tony pulls his fingers out, Loki lets out a low mewl, wanting those precious fingers in him again.

Tony picks up the bottle of lube again and he pours more out over his cock and spreads it around, making sure that he's slick enough before moving to place himself at Loki's entrance.

Loki looks up at Tony's face again with eyes full of lust, and he drags Tony down, kissing him roughly.

Tony moans and as Loki kisses him he rolls his hips, breaching the tight ring of muscle.

Loki's lips fall open and his breathing becomes shallow as he breaks the kiss and his hands grip Tony's shoulders as Tony moves further into him.

Tony moans as his cock is engulfed by Loki's tight heat, and it's all he can do to keep himself from just pounding into Loki.

Once he's fully sheathed, Tony places his lips on Loki's neck gently, letting him readjust to his girth.

Loki pants as he clenches and unclenches around Tony, their sweat mixing together as they lay still. A few minutes pass before Loki lifts his hips slightly, making Tony slide in and out of him, and he wraps his arms and legs around Tony tightly, holding on.

Tony does the same as he wraps his arms around Loki's lower and upper back, burying his face in the silky hair in his reach, and he slowly pulls out and pushes back in, moaning as Loki shudders and tenses around him.

The pace stays slow, and steady, both Tony and Loki working each other closer to their climaxes.

Each time Tony pulls out Loki moans and he uses his legs to help Tony push back in, making Tony shudder.

Their names fall out of one another's lips, forming a symphony of ecstasy, as their highs climb higher and higher.

When Tony hits Loki's prostate, Loki arches and cries out on a low moan as he spills out onto his and Tony's chests, and Tony spills inside of him.

Loki holds on to Tony as his orgasm racks his body, and as his high subsides his strength leaves him, and his legs and arms slide off from around Tony's tense body.

Tony pushes himself off of Loki and pulls out carefully. He pulls the edge of the sheets they're on over their bodies and wipes Loki's cum off their sweaty chests. When Tony lies down next to Loki, he pulls him close, and Loki curls into his body.

"Tony?" Loki says quietly, obviously tired.

"Yeah?"

"Have you... Have you taken anyone, after me?"

Tony looks at the top of Loki's head and he reaches a hand under Loki's chin, tilting his face up. "No. I didn't want anyone if it wasn't you," he says.

Loki searches his face, but finds no lie, so he kisses Tony gently. When they pull away, Tony repeats the question. "I didn't want to either. It felt wrong even dating anyone."

The room falls silent after that. For a while Tony lays there, thinking about what's going to happen next, how this is going to work. Things aren't the same anymore, but he refuses to let Loki go again. He refuses to leave Loki again. "I love you," he says quietly.

"I love you too," Loki responds.

Together, wrapped up in each other's arms, they fall asleep, holding on tightly, afraid that if they let go, they'll wake up and realize that it was only a dream, and not a reality.

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**A/N: I haven't really had time to edit this so I'll try and get that done ASAP! Please forgive any typos (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I am sooooooooooooooooo sorry for the immense wait you guys! School is just really not my friend this semester. I don't have time for anything anymore, but I will not give up on any of my stories! I promise!  
Here is the next chapter and I hope you guys like it, short as it is!  
Thank you for all of the reviews/faves/follows! They keep me going!  
Enjoy!**

* * *

Tony wakes up but he doesn't open his eyes. He isn't sure why, but he feels like someone is watching him.

Before he can think further on this feeling the warm body pressed against his moves closer, and he instinctively wraps his arms around the person, burying his face in the silky hair.

Tony smiles softly, completely forgetting about his feeling from earlier, as he remembers the events from the night before, relief washing over him. 'So it was real,' he thinks as he tightens his hold on the familiar but different waist of Loki's lithe body.

Loki sighs in his sleep and he presses his forehead into the crook of Tony's neck, nuzzling it before settling back down.

Tony opens his eyes then, and he looks down at the mass of thick, black hair lovingly. He lifts one hand to comb through the dark, long locks, and he kisses the top of Loki's head.

The clearing of a throat startles Tony, reminding him why he was pretending to be asleep, and he looks over his shoulder only to find Natasha standing there with a stoic expression on her face. "Christ, how long have you been standing there?" he hisses quietly at her, not wanting to wake Loki up.

"We need you in the conference room," Natasha tells him, not deigning his question with an answer.

Tony's face falls and he looks at Loki. He doesn't want to get out of bed and just leave him when he's asleep. It would be too reminiscent of the last time he saw Loki, and who knows how Loki would react? "But... I can't just leave him, Romanoff," he states quietly, running a finger down the smooth, pale cheek in front of him, causing Loki to sigh contentedly in his sleep.

"He'll be fine Stark," Natasha says, a tone in her voice that Tony thinks borders on irritation.

"No, you don't understand. He won't be 'fine'," Tony states as he holds Loki tighter.

Loki squirms against the too tight hold and his eyes flutter open as he finally manages to free himself from it. He blinks and looks at Tony sleepily, and he smiles softly at him before the smile falters. "Anthony, what's wrong?"

And boy doesn't that simple question bring back memories.

Before Tony can answer Natasha speaks up. "We need Stark in the conference room but he is reluctant to go."

Loki looks up at Natasha, as if seeing her standing there for the first time, and he raises the sheets resting just above his buttocks up to the middle of his chest. He looks at Tony again and his brows furrow in slight confusion. "Why?" he asks.

Tony sighs and he pushes himself up on his elbows. "It would have been too much like last time, Lo," he says quietly, not wanting Natasha to hear him, though she probably did if the sudden dawning of understanding in her eyes and the raising of an eyebrow is anything to go by. Tony decides to ignore her as he continues. "I didn't want you to think I'd left you again," he tells Loki as he turns his back on Natasha, facing Loki fully.

Loki's look of confusion dies away and is replaced by one of understanding. He scoots close to Tony again and he pulls him back down on top of him.

Tony doesn't resist as Loki cups the back of his head with one hand and drags his face down for a soft, slow kiss. Tony melts into the kiss and he wraps one hand around the back of Loki's neck to help keep his head up, his other hand propped up against the mattress so he doesn't crush Loki with his weight.

Loki pulls away for air and he looks at Tony as he presses their foreheads together. "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," Tony whispers back.

"Go," Loki tells him as he lays back down.

"What?"

"Go to the conference. I will be fine," Loki tells him softly, reaching up to cup his cheek.

"Are you sure?" Tony asks hesitantly, not sure whether Loki is lying or if he really will be fine.

"Positive," Loki answers with a small smile.

Tony looks into sincere emerald eyes and he nods, "Okay."

At that moment the bedroom door flies open, banging into the wall, and the rest of the team is standing there, curiosity evident on all their faces as they peer into the room before actually walking in.

Tony gets off of Loki but he pulls Loki close to his side, and a beat of silence passes as Loki studies the group and the group studies Loki.

Clint is the first to break the silence with a whistle and a smile. "Wow Stark, you weren't lying when you said he was sexy," he states as he rakes what is visible of Loki's body with his eyes.

Loki blushes furiously and he burrows further into Tony, pulling the sheets up on e again, but this time up to just under his jaw.

Tony wraps his arms around Loki and he glares at Clint for making Loki uncomfortable. "Out. All of you," Tony states as he looks from one Avenger to the next, half-hearted anger in his eyes.

"Why?" Clint asks, finally tearing his gaze off of Loki.

"Because I want to get dressed but I'm as naked as the day I was born. Unless you guys want to see me in all my glory, I suggest you leave," Tony says cheekily.

"But we want to meet Loki," Thor says with a smile the size of the Grand Canyon.

At that Loki buries his face in the crook of Tony's neck and Tony looks at everyone again. "You'll get to meet him later, preferably when we're both fully clothed. Right now you all need to go away."

The thunderer pouts but he nods as he and everyone else walks back out the way they came in.

Clint turns when he's under the doorway and he looks at Loki again. "He does have a nice butt, Stark," he says with a wink, and Tony gives him a death glare when he feels Loki take in a sharp breath before he lets it out slowly, lifting his hands to cover his face.

Natasha shoves Clint out of the door before she too turns. "Five minutes, Stark," is all she says before she walks out and closes the door.

Tony rolls his before he looks down at Loki. "Babe, they're gone," he says softly, tugging at Loki's hands gently until he can see Loki's eyes.

"Do I have to meet Clint?" Loki asks as he peeks up at Tony through his dark, thick eyelashes.

Tony chuckles as he presses his lips to Loki's forehead before he sits up and gets out of bed. "Yes, you have to meet him too."

Loki groans quietly and he buries his face in Tony's pillow. "Okay," he says, his voice low and muffled.

After Tony pulls on his boxers and pants he sits down on the bed and runs his fingers through Loki's hair. He smiles when Loki turns his head, his eyes closed, and presses his cheek against his palm. "If you're worried about Clint, don't be. He's only messing with you," he tells Loki.

Loki opens his eyes, "Are you sure?"

"Positive," Tony says, repeating what Loki said earlier.

Loki nods and smiles. He taps his lips with one finger and Tony bends down to kiss him.

Tony is so happy that he and Loki have fallen back into their old habits so easily. He had been afraid that they had grown apart after all these years, but the fact that they are here, acting as if they've never been apart is enough to chase those fears away.

A rough pounding on the door disrupts the tiny moment and Natasha's harsh voice cuts in. "Your five minutes are up Stark!"

Tony pulls away and he sighs, picking up a t-shirt as he stands. "I'm not sure how long this meeting will be, but I'll see you the moment it's over," he promises Loki.

"Okay," Loki says as he curls up on his side. "I love you, Tony," he says again in a whisper.

"Stark!" Natasha yells as she pounds on the door harder than before.

Tony growls as he looks at the door and he yells back, " Go away, Romanoff!" He looks back at Loki and smiles gently, "I love you too, Lo," he says quietly, running a finger down his cheek.

Loki smiles and closes his eyes. He sighs when more yelling and pounding erupts through the thick door and he opens his eyes to look at Tony. "You better go before she breaks something," he says.

"Hopefully her wrist," Tony says as he tugs the shirt in his hands on. He smiles when Loki chuckles and he kisses him again. "I'll see you soon, I promise," he says when he pulls away.

"See you soon," Loki whispers back. With one last stroke of his cheek, Loki watches as Tony walks away and opens the door, a livid Black Widow on the other side of it, before closing the door behind him.

Loki rolls onto his other side and he stares at the spot Tony was in just minutes before.

Only seconds pass before Loki gets out of bed and dresses. He can't lay in their bed alone. The memories from before are resurfacing, and the last thing he wants is to have a panic attack after he told Tony he would be fine.

He walks out of the room and looks for the kitchen, deciding to make a good first impression, to make breakfast for Tony and the rest of the Avengers.


End file.
